Sometimes you don't know what you're missing until you lose it and get it back again.
P.S. If you have a class and the average on the latest test is an F WITH the curve and you still love the class, you know something's seriously wrong with you...
posted by Rachael @ 9:03 PM
2 comments
I hate growing up. I mean, sure, it brings some good things, like driving and moving out and whatnot. But it brings a lot of bad things, too. You have more responsibilities, you have to be in charge, you have to be decisive. You no longer have anyone watching out for you. At least, not over themselves.
Take a look at my sophomore year of college. I spend more time studying and working than anything else. I rarely see any of my friends, and the group is breaking up. Granted, as Evan said, "This year isn't last year, and we need to realize that." But I still don't want to lose my friends. Everyone's so busy, we never have time for each other anymore. It's just kinda depressing, and while everyone else seems to have a new group of friends they can shift to, I'm left in the cold. Well, Evan is too, but to a lesser extent, b/c he has Jon and other CC ppl.
It seems everytime I turn around, someone's always telling me that I'm going to be devoting the rest of my life to school. And while I am a geek and do like school (yes, I'm a nerd), I don't want that to be the sole focus of my life. Which begs the question, just what am I willing to sacrifice to get into med school? I want to be a doctor, but I want to have a life too. I don't want my friends to give up on me, as predicted (other science nerds excluded) b/c I'm living in Neils. I also want to go to camp next year, but I might have to do summer research and internships to gain bonus points for med-school apps, but I don't know if that's what I want to do...
Add on the fact that my friends, while I love them, can be incredibly stupid. I'm going to do something I REALLY don't want to this Thursday, but... I can't say no. If one of my friends needs me, I like to believe that I'd go through hell and high water for them, and I'm trying to. But no one ever mentions how hard it is. Especially when you know they don't want it. It's not like you can save someone who doesn't want to be saved, but you can only help and protect them so much- even from their own stupidity. At what point do you say, why the HELL weren't you thinking?!
I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it when people come to me with their problems. I love helping them work things out, or, if nothing else, I'm glad to provide an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. So come to me anytime, anyplace, and I'm here for you.
However, I'm kinda freaking out about a decision I have to make fairly soon. I don't want to do it, but I'm pretty sure it's my only option. While talking to Amanda, my sister, she hit my feelings on the nail. She told me, "When people have a hard time making a decision, it's usually because they already know what to do- they just don't want to do it." She's right, but I don't want to admit it, because that means facing a future I don't want...
Oh well. I guess I'm just lost. It happens occasionally. Give me sometime and I'll find myself. I've been worse off before, and I've made it through that. I've been told I've grown since then, so hopefully I've learned something that will help me with this. Sometimes it's just hard to see through the abyss to the light.
"You are a child of the universe, and as much as the stars, the sun, and the moon, you deserve to be here..."
~A friend's away message, I think (Anonymous, maybe)
"Don't give up. If nothing else, I will teach you to fight."
~ER
posted by Rachael @ 12:38 AM
0 comments
So, I'm done with school. For now. My grades were fine, not as good as I hoped, but whatever. Hopefully I'll start caring again next year, because right now I really don't. Which is really bad. But whatever.
Before I left, however, Scott and I went for a walk. We just walked and talked, but it was really weird. I mean, the reality of college for me is that I'm a freshman. It's my first year. I'm going to doing stupid things, slip in some of my classes, and just in general be a freshman all over again. But now I'm a sophomore. Like, officially. And it's really weird. At the beginning of the semester a bunch of my friends and I went bowling. On the car ride back, we were talking about this local band, and Evan said that they weren't going to have any concerts till the end of the year because: "They're too busy doing senior things. Getting married, getting jobs, grad school." Now I have two more years until I'm supposed to do senior things. Honestly, the only one of my friends I can even see being a "real adult" is Whitney. And that's because she's almost married now. I remember when I was in kindergarten and I'd see the big 8th graders in the hall and I'd think they were so big, cool, and old. Now I'm bigger and older and, hopefully, cooler. ;) I don't know how I feel about this growing up thing. I look at my little sisters and I can remember how I was at their age, and that's just really weird. Sigh.
I don't know, I'm all scatterbrained right now. Blame it on the numbing meds the dentist gave me for my cavity.
Home isn't home anymore. It's something different.
~Scott
posted by Rachael @ 4:37 PM
1 comments
So it's been freaking forever since I last posted. I've just been so busy. I came back and within two weeks switched to the advanced math class b/c I didn't like the regular level prof (I'm sorry, but if you take the time to write "But there's still hope" on the board, then you're just wasting my time). So I had a bunch of work to make up for the class, and once that got finished then it was tech week for the Dance Ensemble. It was a lot of fun, and some of the performances were AMAZING!! I was only in the character piece, so it's not like I had a lot to do or like it was even that hard, but it was fun, so I didn't really care. Then there was Latin... I love the class, the people in it, and the professor... the language I'm not so sure about. Someone please remind me why I decided to minor in the freaking language? I'm seriously so screwed when it comes to that class. I'm struggling to get MAYBE a C. I haven't gotten a C in a class since 5th grade science. And now I'll be lucky to get one in my minor class? Great. Just great. Finals start this Thursday and I'm really nervous. I'm actually studying ahead of time- sooner than the night before, that is. Well, not for CORE, but that's a different story. I think this is the first semester of school that I've actually had to work hard as well. I breezed through high school and last semester, but this one's kicking my butt. This sucks.
Moving past my academic issues, I love college. It's so much fun. My friends and I went to the all Neils (science building) picnic yesterday. The fact that I had fun prolly makes me a geek, but I'm comfortable with that. ;) I love our Netflix nights too. One of the best decisions we ever made. Another one of my favorite things to do is work at Cafe Manna with Whitney. I'm gonna miss Hal next year because he graduates from the law school this year. Last Thursday was his last day- what am I gonna do without him harassing me about being a freshman or clicking the counter without "flare"? Who am I gonna harass about wearing the Home Depot apron? Le sigh. Next year looks like it's fun though, too. I'm going to be the secretary for the chem club (we already established my geek status) and my chem professors want me to work for the chem department. My CORE prof also wants me to work for the Writing Center, so I'll probably kill 2 birds with one stone and be a gen chem grader while I sit around the WC and wait for people to bring me their papers. Plus, the guys will all pretty much live in Brandt with me. Ok, so they'll be on 5 while I'm on 1, but at least I don't have to walk across campus to see them. Bekka's going to be 2 seconds away in Berg, while Whitney and Kim are in Guild and Memorial. Kyle's gonna rush and live in the German house (HA!) and Zack's living in a frat, but they have cars.
I really don't wanna study for finals, but I don't have that much more to say... What can I say? I'm kinda boring.
Ok, so that's really not true. But only in person.
And I now love carmel mochas. And espresso. And I'm going to kill Bekka when I go into withdrawal during camp.
"I think I'm going to just start singing my internal dialogue in class. *singing: This class is so boring. My professor is fat...*"
"But you can't get AIDS if you have sex with random strangers AT THE SAME TIME as sharing used needles."
~Thew while watching "Rent"
posted by Rachael @ 2:04 PM
2 comments
Oh yea. My hair is freaking long and I got my braces off on Monday. Yay!
"There's only one way to tell if a man's honest: ask him. If he says yes, then he must be crooked."
posted by Rachael @ 9:19 PM
4 comments
So, apparently people actually read my blog and I’ve received several complaints about the lack of updates. However, the number of updates is proportional to the current level of interesting things in my life.
Well, I LOVE my roommate. We get along so well. I really have no clue what those people who complain about getting horrible roomies are talking about- for which I’m VERY thankful! And finals went well. The only one I’m quasi-disappointed over was Chem, which I’ve discovered is a weed-out class, but still… it’s part of my major. However, I also need to just get over myself and realize that a B+ is equal to failing in my eyes because I’m an OCD perfectionist.
Oh! This is new. Apparently I was hit on the head by something really hard and have lost my mind because I declared a Latin minor. Here are a few common questions/comments I’ve received regarding my new minor:
What can you do with it? Nothing. Maybe teach (which I’m not gonna do)
Wow! You must be really good at it. Not really, I just tested into 204, which means I take two translation classes and one history class (which I need anyway as a social analysis- 12 credits total) and I get the minor.
Are you considering getting the major? Hell no. I’m so bad at Latin I technically shouldn’t even be minoring in it. I just am because I received AP credit and now have two gaps in my schedule to fill.
Are you insane? You do realize you’re going to regret this. I already do.
I’ve also been told that I’m going to miss out because I’m not rushing for a sorority. Honestly, how many of you can actually see ME as a sorority girl??? I’d probably be kicked out within a week, if they even let me join. The one thing I will miss is that I won’t get to participate in Derby Days next year. It’s a charity event put on by a frat for freshman girl wings and the sororities. You compete in a talent show, trivia contest, and volleyball, but the highlight is at night. Every night for one week, the boys put on derbies and run around Huglei lawn. The girls chase and tackle the boys in an attempt to get the hats. And when I say they’re chased by girls, I mean that they have anywhere from 20-45 girls running after them for their hats. The boys appear out of nowhere: from cars, various buildings, etc. Those that hide their derby under their shirts instead of running right away are stalked like prey. And the girls get vicious. Once a guy goes down the girls dog pile on him and all fight for the hat. One of my own teammates once bit me in an attempt to get the derby because she couldn’t tell whose hand it was. So yea, it was kinda fun.
Well, I made the Dance Ensemble. I’m in a character piece. Technically I’m only an extra, but it’s still fun. The girls in my group and I hang out and mess around at the “soda fountain.” The Ballroom Dance Club is also going to perform, so I’m excited. We’re doing a latin mix- it’s not traditional Latin dancing because we’re performing on a stage instead of in a ballroom, but it’s still fun.
Wow, I just reread this and realized how... everywhere I am. I don't know, it's 2:46 AM, so I'm just gonna blame my lack of... coherentness on that. Later luvs.
"Ohio? Isn't that next to California?"
"No, it's right next to Indiana. They touch."
"No they don't, you liar."
~Bridget and Regina
"Who would've thought that when we said 'the group' we'd include Kyle?"
~Evan
posted by Rachael @ 11:45 PM
1 comments
